First of all, if Jesus were to be born in Nigeria, we might never have had christmas because at the end of the day, there might be little or nothing left to celebrate.
Just imagine, Mary and Joseph were Ibo. They reached Seme (the boarders) as expected late because Mary was heavy and she kept on complaining and slowing them down all the way from Abia to Lagos. On getting there, Mary decides she isn’t walking again so Joseph has to look for a place to stay all alone. He finds lots of empty places to stay but ‘Nna mehn, those hotels were just too expensive’ (in thick igbo accent), so in this story, Joseph was the cause of Jesus being born in a farm store house in Yaba. He settles Mary in and sets out to Surulere to buy things for the baby; it just had to be bought last minute even though he had at least 9 months notice he was going to have a baby. Anyway, by he time he was getting out of the friendly neighborhood store which sold everything over the counter, Mary had already told everyone within earshot that she was carrying the Son of God. On the mainland, news travels fast so in actuality, she had told everyone.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Banana Island, the Yoruba Wise men Tayo, Tolu, Demilade, Tife and Gbenro were busy planning how to break another girls heart. They had been out of the star gazing business for over five years after they were engaged in a physical combat with a NEPA official and few days after, a mysterious high voltage that happened only at their headquarters set fire to all their instruments. So you can imagine their surprise when they spotted a star so bright they didnt need any instruments to study. The star started moving almost as soon as they saw it though, so they rushed to follow it, not forgetting their Gold, Myrhh and Frankincense which they were keeping for a special ocassion. However, on getting to the car, they realised there was no fuel due to the fluctuating scarcity, so they had to take a taxi. The traffic they found themselves in started all the way from Lekki round-about and they were stuck, so they paid the taxi driver and decided to continue the journey on foot as the star never stopped for once.
At about the same time the wise men saw the star, some Fulani herdsmen who were resting at Santa Cruse beach in Ajah were awoken by a choir of angels. They did not of course understand much of what was being said, but they still agreed to go. The few who were very adamant on not going, obliged when they had confirmed there would be more than enough party rice and drinks. They all then got the address and set off.
At this time, Mary was experiencing some serious labor pains. Her shouts could be heard from miles away and some neighbors had even began to complain about the disturbance. She was yelling profanities in Igbo and frankly, Joseph was a bit embarrassed so he decided to go to a nearby bar and get a drink. Not too long after, a baby’s cry was heard, sounds of jubilation and almost immediately, there was a power outage. It took a while for the generator to come on, but as soon as it did, Joseph rushed to his wife’s side. As he entered the room, he noticed a crowd and lots of commotion and at the very center was a very distressed Mary in tears. After much enquiries, he found out the baby was stolen during the power outage.
He immediately organized a search party, and Mary who had just given birth got a supernatural burst of energy and jumped up to lead the search party which included everyone but those cooking the jollof rice because really, they couldn’t risk the rice not being ready.
Joseph called the police, but they said: 1. They couldn’t come because they didn’t have enough fuel, 2. At least 24 hours was needed before a missing person’s report could be filed, and 3. Even after 24 hours, the report wouldn’t be recognized because technically, the baby wasn’t a passport holding citizen yet.
Anyway, by now, Tayo, Tolu, Demilade, Tife and Gbenro had gotten to Third mainland bridge. It was late and the bridge was deserted. As they neared the mouth of the bridge, they were confronted by 5 armed men who robbed them of all their valuables including the Gold, Myrhh and Frankincense. Still shaken, they made their way to a police station nearby and went in immediately to report the attack. When the constable came out, Tolu noticed he was wearing the gold wristwatch that just got stolen from him. It then dawned on the wise men that the constables were also part time robbers, so after a lot of bargaining, they came to a compromise. the constables returned their ATM cards, licences, gold, myrhh and frankincense and the wise men kept their mouths shut about everything else. They reluctantly agreed, and went on their way.
The wise men kept on following the star, but the star had by this time changed course unknowingly to them. Before they knew it, they had gotten to a very remote part of Ikeja. The star was taking them deeper and deeper away from familiarity and into a place they never even knew existed before then. Just when they were about to give up and turn around, they got to a shrine. They went in (fearless as they were) and saw what looked to be a ritual setup but the priest was dead and a baby was lying peacefully in the corner so they took the baby and continued following the star till at last they came to the farmhouse.
As they neared the farmhouse, they started hearing shouts of ‘Ole’ and ‘thief, thief!’. They were very confused, and before they knew t a mob had formed around them. The baby and gold, myrhh and frankincense were snatched from them, and they were given no time to explain; tires were burnt and they were burnt alive.
Oh, were you expecting a happy ending of some sort?
God looked into the future and saw what would happen if somehow, Jesus was born in Nigeria. Aside from trying to avoid the killing of innocent souls, mob attacks, and the jump-starting of Jesus’ ministry, He really didn’t want to send his only son down here. So Jerusalem it was.